4 Essential Tips When Dating an Intorvert

couple kissing under box
When Dating an Introvert

Introverts are commonly mistaken for people who are shy and timid, however it is bit more complicated than that. True introverts gain more joy and value from intimate interactions versus being with a large group. From the outside extroverts and introverts may seem like a disaster combination but they can actually make great partners. Dating an introvert can be very enjoyable if you are aware of the traits that come along with an introvert and how to best navigate them.

a nerd holding flowers
Introvert giving Flowers

Introverts are No Nun, Push Overs

When most people think of an introvert, weak or easily pushed around comes to mind. Introverts can also be labeled as socially impede and boring. But these negative stereotypes are simply not true. Introverts don’t find value in idle conversation but that doesn’t mean that they do not have the ability to stand up for themselves or create interesting conversation. In fact introverts are usually more interesting than extroverts because they are more likely to spend time thinking and curating before they share with others. Some introverts love going out and socializing, while others do not. Much like people of similar ethnicity, race, gender or country of origin, while they do share on common trait, uniquely they are all different. It is therefore best to forget about all the negative personality associated with introverts because you cannot generalize or lump them all together. The one true introvert quality is that an invert will need time to recharge after socializing.

Drained by Social Situations

After negative personality assumptions, the next most important thing to understand when dating an introvert is that they are drained by social events. Meaning if you attend a party, concert or any other social event, immediately afterwards your introverted partner will need some down time and this down time will need to be taken alone. Do not get offend if on the drive home from said event your partner is quite or short when you try to make conversation. This does not mean they are annoyed or angry with you, it just means that they have exercised all their social energy and have nothing left to give.

You should not shy away from introverts under the assumption that they are boring or not fun, because this is completely untrue. Introverts have a lot to offer and learning how they tick is the key to connecting and creating a lasting relationship.

Conversely, extroverts get an energy boost when they attend a social function. Meaning they generally leave a party or event feeling hyper and amped. If you are an extrovert and your partner is an introvert the best way to avoid a post party disaster is to try and limit conversation on the way home. The introvert needs to recharge and will most likely shut down if you force too much more socializing onto them. If you really need an outlet for your post party energy you can call a friend once you arrive home and chatter away to them, while your partner to sneak away to solitude.

Pretty girl is smiling with shyness.
An Introverted Girl

 Introverts Can’t Become Extroverts

 Many people enter a relationship with an introvert under the assumption that they will be able to turn the introvert into a socially enthused, party animal. Unfortunately this not possible, introverts are pretty much hard wired to be drained by social situations. Trying to push an introvert to be more outgoing and energizing will only push them out of the relationship. In fact one of the most frustrating things about being an introvert is the common misconception that they can be changed. And even worse the message that accompanies this pursuit of change; their personality is not good enough and must be changed. Everybody, whether introvert or extrovert, wants to be admired for who they are at their core and not made to feel less then. By trying to change your partner’s introverted ways, you are essentially saying they are not good enough and that is really hurtful. So in order to avoid hurting your partner take note when you find yourself trying to push your introvert partner to be a little more “fun” and stop dead in your tracks. Unless you are willing to say goodbye to the relationship.

It is Not All About You

Introverts are generally quiet in nature and extroverts can find this painfully unsettle at times. This can lead to a fire round of questions from the extrovert to the introvert. Why are you so quite? Are you angry? Are you tired?  Come on, what is going on? These types of questions are similar to asking someone why their eyes are blue. They just are by nature, end of story! Introverts find this line of questioning extremely annoying and frustrating. If you want this relationship to last it is best to avoid this type of interrogation with your introverted partner. However this does not mean that you can never ask these types of questions, but instead reserve them for the right time and place. If you and your partner have had an argument or have been in a rough path go ahead and ask- are you angry or upset. Otherwise if your partner is quite, remember it is not about you it is just their personality.

Introverts, like everyone else, have a host of good and bad character traits. You should not shy away from introverts under the assumption that they are boring or not fun, because this is completely untrue. Introverts have a lot to offer and learning how they tick is the key to connecting and creating a lasting relationship.

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