I am in the category of people who has experienced dating both pre and post online dating. Pre online dating sites, dating was really nerve racking and labor intensive. First, I had to go somewhere where I knew there would be attractive people I could hit on or try to pick up. Then once I found said attractive people, I continually had to put myself out there in order to show them I was worth spending time with. This process was fun, but it took guts and was exhausting at times.
Enter the arrival of online dating. This completely flipped my dating strategy upside and round and round. I had to rethink what I was doing, and to be honest it was welcomed at first. Online dating felt as if I was given a catalogue filled with beautiful people and I could have any of them as long as I could compose a decent message from the comfort of my own home. Of course, this was not the reality and I could not really have anyone I wanted, but nonetheless it was much less intimidating than approaching a love interest in person.
I have tested every dating site possible; eHarmony, Plenty of Fish, Tinder, you name it I am either on or have been on it. Then I hit a roadblock. I felt like I had plateau with my dating life. I had so many choices that I was treating dating like an all you can eat buffet, not bothering to cherish and fully commit to one thing, because hey who cares there is always more where that came from.
In attempts to reenergize my dating life, I took some drastic measure with my online game. Let me share my method with you.
When I was a serial online dater, I was unable to make a decision to date someone seriously because I was swamped with options.
Too Many Options
First, I purged. If you have ever studied business, you are well aware that there is a perfect amount of choice to provide consumers to maximize the sale. The perfect number is usually three options. When consumers are overwhelmed by choice, they are unable to make a decision and they either purchase nothing or purchase the lowest priced option and feel unsatisfied with their decision. This was exactly how I felt with online dating, overwhelmed by the abundance of choice and the results were exactly as the business model predicted. Avoid dating or only taking out the lowest effort type of person and feeling unsatisfied with that person. The result, I never speak to them again after one or two dates. While too many options is not the worst-case scenario, it is not the best either. For someone who is tired of dating and looking for something a little more serious, less temptation is a good thing. Therefore, I shut down all my online dating profiles except one. Maybe I will go back some time, maybe not but narrowing my options was my first attempt to reviving my dating life.
Another problem I was experiencing was that online dating my dulling my charm skills. In the old days, I really had to turn it on in order to secure a first date. By the end of my online dating career, I was cutting and pasting a generic introduction message, with a few tweaks here and there, to gain access to that first date. I know this shameful, but I am busy and efficiency is important to me…even in my dating life. Therefore, in order to break this lazy habit I have been trying to approach girls in public and online with authenticity and charm. No rehearsed script when working with text and I push myself to write something completely original and clever to each person.
Quality over quantity
Lastly, I have stopped taking advantage of any low hanging fruit. With an abundance of choice and time I was often going on dates with people, I knew I would not date for the long haul but, who cares, as they would be fun for the short term. The problem with this strategy is you find yourself spending all your time trading one low hanging fruit for another because they are low maintenance and require no effort. If you are in it for the short term the responsible to be charming and sweet is reduced because, who cares, they won’t be here tomorrow. This is probably the worst habit I got into from online dating and I am thankful I have put it to rest.
Since making these changes I have had some great dates. I also have had to get out of my comfort zone a few times; it has been good for me. I really want to find one person to settle down with and I am making progress with this goal. When I was a serial online dater, I was unable to make a decision to date someone seriously because I was swamped with options. Now that my options are minimized, I feel like I have more clarity on what I want in a relationship and that is what I am focusing on going forward.