If you are a senior who has recently re-entered the dating pool, you are facing exciting opportunities to meet and date new people, which you haven’t had the chance to do in a number of years. However, with dating and being in relationships also comes break-ups. Because nobody is perfect, break-ups in relationship are inevitable, so the best thing to do is be prepared to deal with them the best way you know how and to keep moving forward.
Every Emotion is Normal and Okay
You will experience a range of emotions, some of which you may not even understand. What is important is that instead of trying to suppress or ignore feelings is that you do experience them and let them out. Otherwise, they will control you. Feeling sad is normal. Feeling angry is normal. So is feeling relieved or excited, depressed, confused, and elated. If you do feel like your emotions are getting out of control or getting in the way of your normal life, you may need to talk to someone about it.
Grieve in Your Own Time
Allow yourself time to grieve. Grieving is a normal part of the end of a relationship, so feeling sad is okay, even if the relationship you’re getting out of was harmful or negative. You will still miss the other person and feel the loss. Everybody grieves differently and needs a different amount of time to grieve. You’ll find all kinds of advice out there on how long it takes to get over someone: a week for every month you were together, half the total amount of time you were together, twice the longest time you were apart plus the square root of your ages put together…
Every post-break up time table is equally ridiculous for one simple reason: everybody is different and every relationship is different. Some people take years to heal from a summer fling, while other people are able to move past a 10-year marriage in a matter of months. What matters is that you ignore all the time tables out there and just take the time that YOU need to get through YOUR break up.
The Blame Game – Don’t Play It
It can be easy after a break up to start blaming yourself or the other person. Either road is dangerous, so don’t go there. It is important to recognize that you both made mistakes in the relationship. When you see the mistakes made by the other person and how they hurt you, forgive them. When you forgive a person, you’re not justifying what they did. You’re releasing the negative hold they have over your life, and allowing yourself to be free of them.
It’s also important to recognize that you also made mistakes that led to the break up. When you see that there are parts of you that aren’t so pretty, then it’s a chance to work on those parts of your personality that you don’t like so much. It’s never too late for you to change who or how you are. You also can take responsibility for your actions, which gives you back the control in your own life. When you’re in control over your own life, it means you have the choice to make good or bad decisions that will affect your future.
Get Objective Advice
It’s important for you to have someone in your life that you trust that can give you objective advice. That means they tell you what you NEED to hear, which is not always the same as what you WANT to hear. Having at least one of these people in your life will help you through a break up as well as many other times in your life. If you don’t have someone in your life that can give you objective advice about the break up and your emotional state, consider visiting a counselor to be able to talk things out.
Talking things out with someone who was not involved directly in the relationship can help give you a different perspective on the whole thing. They will be able to see things that you missed because you were emotionally involved. Sometimes, all you need is that fresh perspective to see that there’s more than just a silver lining in that break up cloud. There’s a whole rainbow that’s been painted across the sky and all the dark clouds have disappeared.
Whether the relationship was casual or serious, long or short, break-ups are difficult at any age. For most young people, it is a way of life. But for seniors, it is something that they haven’t really experienced in a long time, which can make it harder to go through. The most important thing to remember is that you’re not alone and that this isn’t the end. By taking your own time you can forgive your former partner and yourself, and begin to move on as you seek the advice of someone who has your best interests in mind.